Bonkers

hey it's me again! guess what? im supposed to be study now but you can see now that i don't know why my head just want to blogging and i just can't control it so..yeah. hmm lemme think...okay! a couple weeks ago i told you that im in love right? well ive had a great yet bad news.
i think im gonna strart with the good news...well the good news is......that SNEIJDER GUY ADDED ME TO HIS BLACKBERRY MESSENGER! ahahahah yeah i know right.
but then again im less excited now because it has been a days since he's added me.

oh yeah i forget to tell you the bad news is, okay it has been a couple things that disturb me,you know..im not like any other girls out there..well if it is i just don't act like other  normal girls do when it comes to love. okay now i sounds like a bonkers..i mean other girls may acted like completly normal,like their in love and thats it. But me? im more like a monkey love type,i feel like im new to this kind of things which is not btw! i feel like all of my experience with boys is totally gone from my mind,and i just don't know what i have to do now. sometimes i just blame myself for all of this,maybe it's because after all of this im pretending to be tough im pretend that love,or crush,or whatever it is,it isn't important.

i know that ive been protecting myself from other especially guys.because i don't want to be hurt again,but then again i just realize that it is wrong. love or like or whatever it is,it's from our own heart..gosh i don't fucking now what im talking right now but i feels so right, yeah love or like or something like that it's bloom suddenly just like that,you can't control it nor deny it. because i just feel it now,how hard you protect yourself it doesnt matter,because sooner or later you will admit it. and you cant deny it because it's from you and you can't run from yourself,even if it's an unrequited love,so be brave and go through it and just hope that time will heal it.


Regards, Dira